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by Steve Young

Steve Young columns

Question: What do Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and the rest of the Far Right Lords of Loud have in common?

Answer: They all make a zillions on the backs of half-truths and failed Republican policies?

Answer: They all decry the divisiveness in America yet know that they make their livings on dividing America?

Answer: After touting our War President and his war as being a near bloodless walkover, they now say that no one ever said this would be easy...despite the lockstep administration pre-invasion notion that this would be easy?

Answer: They all could care less that your sons and daughters continue to be sacrificed to the continuing mistakes?

Answer: They're all assholes?

Well, yes, those are all good answers, but the one I was looking for was: They've never served in the Armed Forces, but have no problem supporting the President's wish to sacrifice more kids...except their own.

But finally, the best damn promotional opportunity has raised its bloody head. Forget offering free General Motors car on Hannity's show. How about offering Hannity -- and the rest of the broadcast chickenhawks -- to the war effort?

President Bush's plan calls for sending in at least 20-30,000 more soldiers. Military officials says they only have about 9,000 to give. In the least they'd have to revise the rules limiting reservist deployments (remember when the National Guard could actually keep a son of privilege out of war?). Certainly the LOL could help to make up a good part of the shortfall. Based on their passionate appeals of unquestioned support, they would welcome the opportunity to serve their president and country.

And tell me a programmer wouldn't relish the idea of boasting theirs as the station that not only Talks The Talk, but Walks The Walk.

The Man Who Let A Boil On His Ass Keep Him Out Of Vietnam Now Puts His Balls On The Line For America... Rush Limbaugh.

Madison Avenue couldn't do a better job of selling the war or advertising. It's also an instant cure for diminishing ratings at Fox News. Forget embedding reporters. Embed talk show hosts. Put them in uniforms. Not to play soldier in the Green Zone. But with rifle in hand, going house to house. Getting blown up by roadside bombs. Coming home in a box...that their fans wouldn't be allowed to see.

In Life, A $5 Million A Year Voice. In Death, A Red, White and Blue Marketing Tool... Sean Hannity

It's really a win-win scenario. Even if one of them should be wounded, lost limbs, became brain damaged or a vegetable for the rest of their life, they'd not only show they're real patriots, but they (or their caretakers) could become a voice for how well veterans benefit from VA cutbacks.

Bill O'Reilly... Shooting Off His Mouth While They Shoot Off A Good Part Of His Torso

The possibilities are limitless, but if Roger Ailes and Clear Channel need a little merchandising help, I'm sure real veterans would gladly run a few more slogan and promotion ideas up the patriotic flagpole.

President Bush is about ready to make his speech. If the Lords of Loud have an inkling of integrity, the time is right.

Shut up, sacrifice and surge.

Steve Young is author of the wacky new children's novel, "15-Minutes" (HarperCollins)

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Albion Monitor   January 4, 2007   (

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