HELEN THOMAS, PLEASE STOP TORMENTING O'REILLY

by Steve Young

Hey, Bill, sensitive much?

Oh, to be a FoxNews fly on the wall at the O'Reilly Factor preproduction meeting putting together last Wednesday's show.

Factor Producer: Let's see. We have the Stimulus Package being finalized. The president's press conference. Unemployment reaching critical mass. Banking CEOs testify in...

Bill: Helen Thomas!

FP: Bill, we covered her last night.

Bill: I'm not talking about covering her, damnnit! I'm talking how I was covered covering her!

FP: Bill, that's not news. That's not even opinion of the news. That's opinion based on opinion. We can save that for one of the letters we write for you at the end of the show segment.

Bill: No! It's too important to the Folks.

FP: How about in Pinheads and Patriots? You could hammer the entire Far-Left and throw in a dig at GE all in one shot.

Bill: It's not a one shot issue. It's a whole show topic.

FP: Bill. You're going to look a little sensitive. How about if we tape it and you can see for yourself how...?

Bill: No bleeping taping. We'll do it live!

And so it was...for real.

The O'Reilly Factor

Bill: If I were Obama I would have poured water on her and she would have dissolved.

Closeup: Helen Thomas.

First the Talking Point Memo.

Subject: Bill being hammered for dissing Helen Thomas.

Next up: Top Story segment

Subject: Helen Thomas

After his standard smackdown of "corrupt" Mediamatters.org as guttersnipes, he admitted that "because Thomas asked Obama a dopey question, I decided to have had fun with her." Mind you, not because of her voice, but because of her question.

Bill brings on on Courtney Martin of the Women's Media Center, an organization who criticized Bill for his witch-reference of Ms. Thomas. Humor expert Bill explained to Ms. Martin that "most satire is (irrelevant)." Martin explained that was only bad satire. Bill then went on to Saturday Night Live's spoofing of Sarah Palin. Why had Ms. Martin criticized Tina Fey for making fun of Palin on their show that makes fun of people? Bill explain that "I think I'm a nice guy" for not calling Thomas a "pinhead." You know, instead of a witch.

By the way, during the "debate, " Bill used his of the "Everyone knows that," tactic again, a device that leaves an opponent's argument dead in its tracks. Killer, really. If everyone knows that how in the world can you disagree with your adversary? And if everyone knows that, that would also mean that you know it to. Opposing the truth as you know it only makes to own knowledge.

Next Segment: Prof Marc Hill and Larry Elder

First Issue: Helen Thomas

Later in the show...

Miller Time with Dennis Miller

One of the topics: Helen Thomas

Next up: Bernie Goldberg

One of the issues: Helen Thomas

Bill's Poll of The Day: Should I apologize to Helen Thomas?

When one pays as much attention as Bill is paying to his Helen Thomas Affair, you know it's one of two things. Either he was really, really bothered by what people said or...he really likes her and the amore isn't being returned in kind.

In either case, Helen wins this one hands down. Without even showing up, she crawled up into his craw, made herself at home, and landed a KO punch to the solar plexus. And no matter how the Folks decide in the poll, Bill lost this one big time.