DON'T DRINK AND VOTE...AGAIN

by Steve Young

Did'ja catch this week's polls? Seems that the Palin convention bounce has flattened into one pancake of a morning-after hangover. The sobered up American voter has learned once again that he wasn't as discerning as he'd like to claim. He was just horny.

A few weeks ago, Sarah Palin was introduced to the American voter by John McCain. She was so cute. You know, like Michelle Obama said she was -- not about Sarah, but about herself. Except Sarah wasn't angry cute. She was absolutely darling without any of that anti-American hate. Patriotic cute. And aggressive too. Not in that bitchy way like that Hillary gal the voter almost hooked up with a while back. This one wouldn't be afraid to hook up with a guy after only meeting him one time. Or so said John Mc. Old Mc says a lot of things and the next day says the opposite, but November 4th is ticking ever closer and damnit if the VPs don't get prettier at closing time. Now this one was a regular gal who pretty much would say or do exactly what you wanted her to: "I said thanks, but no thanks," and "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day."

Adorable. What's not to like?

But it seems that this week the American voter woke up, finding himself in a strange bed; his mouth feeling like a badly used pair of sweatsocks socked in benzine, his head throbbing. He opens his eyes and sits up, suddenly noticing that the makeup on the hottie snoring next to him has worn off

He tries to tiptoe out of the room and notices a wedding band on his hand that wasn't there yesterday and it hits him: "For the next four years."

His one night fling has become a long-term commitment. His "could've had a V-8" is now "was I just run over by a V8?" Those charming "I can see Russia from Alaska" expressions are no longer cute. They're foreign policy creds.

Oh, he'll say that he knows better. That this time will be different. But it never is. No matter how many DUI's he's got stuck under the sun visor he still thinks he's okay to drive home. No matter how many times she say's he's smarter than that, a few mugs of courage and once again the groin outvotes the brain and she goes home with the guy who was ready to pick a fight with anyone he thought was giving him the stank-eye. And then it's too late to have some hang-time with that quiet, bookish chap sipping Diet Cokes at the end of the bar.

You would think the American voter might learn that his stinkin' thinkin' keeps getting him into this trouble. Far from a gender issue, wasn't it just eight years ago that the voter went home with that Bush fella? Handsome, plain-spoken, full of the bravado. The kind of guy you'd like to have a beer with. A lot of beers.

Where'd that getcha?

But here the American voter is again. Cruisin' the same dangerous bar rationalizing that he's looking for the gal of his dreams, ignoring what he's suffered through before. And after a couple tall glasses of bartender Karl' special concoction, learning from history is thrown to the wind along with the caution sober thinking spawns.

The polls seem to point to a possible sobering up of the electorate. But it's one day at a time and there's plenty of happy hour events still planned before November 4. There is a tendency to pick a party, ANY party, and then: PARTY!!

Whether it turns into a dream or another nightmare is up to you. Before you think about taking that next drink of 100 proof partisanship, choose how you party wisely. Be in the company of better people.

It's one of the ways you can tell you're growing up.

More than any year before, remember:

Friends don't let friends vote drunk.