FAKE FEMA PRESS CONFERENCE SETS THE STANDARD

by Steve Young

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"FEMA has issued an apology, saying that they had an error in judgment when they were attempting to get out a lot of information to reporters, who were asking for answers to a variety of questions in regard to the wildfires in California," Perino said. "It's not something I would have condoned. And they I'm sure they will not do it again."
-- White House press secretary Dana Perino

But alas, the fake PR cat was already out of the bag.

DATELINE: FLORIDA GOLF COURSE

O.J. Simpson: Glad most of you could make it to my release party for "If I Did Threaten The Crap Out of That Sports Merchandiser." I'm sorry to say that the Goldmans and Browns won't be able to get here in time, but I'm expected at the first tee in five minutes, so, tough. Yes,

Reporter: Why were you set up in Vegas?

Simpson: Why don't you ask the Vegas Police Department or better yet, the LAPD? Never mind, I'm sure there are some of them right here. Detective...

Detective Al Cowlings: Is it true that Mark Furhrman planted the guns on your co-defendants who have turned states evidence to get lighter sentences?

Simpson: If I had to make a bet, yes. And I truly believe you'll find the answer lies in the life of Faye Resnick. Right Faye?

"Resnick": Yes. And yes, I did it.

Simpson: Fore!

The Albion Monitor ceased publishing May 5, 2009

FRONT PAGE

DATELINE: CLINTON PRESS CONFERENCE

Hillary: To those of you who were here when we told you we would be holding this press conference at the moment we finished telling you we would be having it, thank you for being prompt. Please feel free to ask any question the media would have asked if we had been here to ask them.

"Media Person": How long has the presidential race, that for all intense and purposes has been over, been over?

Hillary: (Guffaw) Oh, Bill. You are such a kidder...and, might I add, an insightful questioner. We feel that the race has been over the moment I entered the race. James...?

"Reporter": Jim Carville, Daily Kissup. How come y'all not a divider?

Hillary (Louder Guffaw): I guess it's because the only people who wouldn't vote for me, wouldn't vote for me anyway. That's not being a divider. That's being the person with so much money I don't have to take a side on any issue, even when I'm on both sides of it.

DATELINE: GUILIANI PRESS CONFERENCE

Rudy: Last question.

"Reporter": 9-11?

Guiliani: 9-11. And to all of the media. 9-11. Thanks for not needing to be here. 9-11.

Steve Young is author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful...Mistakes, Adversity, Failure and Other Stepping Stones to Success" (www.greatfailure.com)

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Albion Monitor October 25, 2007 (http://www.albionmonitor.com)

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