BILL-O'S SICK-O HEALTH PLAN

by Steve Young

Michael Moore has just received the "Al Frankian" gift of a lifetime and from the same, unlikely source.

Bill O'Reilly.

First of all, let me address what some say about my having an unhealthy obsession with Bill O'Reilly. That spending so much time dogging Bill's hypocrisy could lead, in the least, to a chemical imbalance. Well, my chemicals are already so out of balance, I'm surprised I'm able to stand up at all. Stephanie Miller mans the daily radio playback of Bill's "omigawd, they've got recording devices" fraud upon the Folks, and other than the need to crawl into a nightly box of Ripple, she seems to be pretty damn healthy. I understand there's even this fella on television who chases down Bill's own quackery rather regularly. And I'm told by Stephanie that he looks just swell.

Point is, BillO appears on TV, radio, the Net and in print, so I'm just trying to hold up the daily Net and print responsibility making sure that as many Folks as possible are aware that the man so many go to for "news" or "opinion" understand that he is so full of crap that I'm surprised he doesn't explode under the pressure of his own colon-bloating bullshit.

That is why today I think it's most important to re-address the unfreaking-believable, no-nothing and worst of all, illegal advice Bill gave millions of Folks this past week on TV, radio, the Net and in print this last week.

In Bill's weekly column on his site (and in national newspapers), Bill wrote of his concern about the possibility of American Universal Healthcare; that it would bring socialism into mainstream America, and that God-forbid, it could lead to a further horrific far-left agenda.

"Okay, but isn't nutritious food a basic human right as well? How about decent housing? And a dignified retirement for the elderly? And child care for working parents? The 'rights' list is endless."

Methinks Jesus himself would be appalled that the far-left agenda has come to this.

In fact Bill warns that the evils of socialism have already infected the national mindset...

"Many (69%) in the (Pew) survey believe health care is a basic human right."

Cheese and crackers, 69 percent? That's nearly as many who think President Bush is leading us over Dead Man's Gulch. What the heck is happening to these former God-fearing "let those who can least swim, drown" capitalists?

But here is where Bill gets a bit of religion.

"It is certainly true that medical costs are very high in this country and, I believe, there should be federal oversight of insurance companies to make sure Americans get what they pay for and are not dropped when they become ill. Also, there should be safety nets for citizens who simply are too poor to pay for medical care."

Now, let us turn to last Tuesday morning to discover Bill's actual nonsocialist prescription for unfair and inadequate health insurance.

A caller phoned in to explain that he had lost his health insurance because he had made a claim.

Bill: Get insurance from another HMO.
Caller: Four times as much. Can't afford it.
B: Get on your parents' policy.
C: Not after graduating college.
B: Find a job where the company will cover you.
C: Dwindling coverages and if available, a delay in eligibility.

Finally the O'Reilly HMO plan came into clear view.

B: If you were a minority you could claim they dropped you because you are one.
C: I am a minority.
B: Then you say your HMO dropped you because you're a minority.
C: But that isn't true.
B: You have to fight fire with fire.
C: Bill, you've always advocated that you don't respond to bad behavior with more bad behavior.
B: That this is not cause and effect because they've declared war on you. You have to use every weapon you have.

Y'see? Bill didn't call for socialism. He called for anarchy. Lawlessness. Criminal activity.

Almost makes socialism a more constitutional option, ay?

Perjury to solve your medical conundrum. This from the guy looking out for you -- and in a later book -- your children.

Wowzers.

Now, do you understand the obsession? Other than silencing him once and for all -- not on my any-day list of things to do -- you have to remind the Folks that almost every day Bill speaks out of not only two-sides of his mouth but also from body orifices that explain why what Bill has to say is only so such crap.

Hypocrisy?

Would it be that the word were fetid enough.