SATAN APOLOGIZES FOR ANN COULTER

by Steve Young

An Open Letter From Lucifer:

Dear Viewers of Hardball,

For more years than I wish to admit I had discharged upon the Earth some pretty awesome stuff: Hitler, cancer, Katrina, movies made from old TV shows. All considered major extensions of myself meant to revile or have an affect that would cause humanity to weigh what they themselves had wrought.

Nothing that I would apologize for. After all, it's what I do.

But I guess there comes a time for everyone to dig deep, take a good long look at their body of work and examine its value.

So it is that I need to apologize for the existence of Ann Coulter. Quite frankly, I don't know what I was thinking.

Not only does she not serve a worthwhile purpose, but this broad just can't seem to stop trying to one-up me. "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." On pollution: "Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it." On 9/11: "I have never seen people enjoying their husband's death so much."

At least with Cheney, I get it. It's about gaining money and power. Using the death of a couple's young son to make what I think was supposed to be a joke? I can't even figure out what the hell she's talking about. Sooner or later even Andrew Dice Clay got around to a punchline.

When I generate some kind of hell on earth, long story short, it's for a good reason. Even O'Reilly is good for a laugh. But sometimes you're not privy to the reason, but when you meet the Man upstairs, all will be revealed. But a reason for Coulter? I don't even think He's sure.

With Coulter, I really think it just got away from me. Maybe I was thinking about how I could get Paris even more attention. I don't know, but I am sorry. The woman is just vile for vile's sake. With Coulter there's no imagination. Nothing clever. Certainly nothing you can learn from. Do you know how long I work to create something where you might be able to find some silver thread? Okay, most of the time you have to look long and hard. It's not always what I originally intend, but I've been around long enough to know that is what I end up having wrought. With Coulter there's no lessons to be found. She's just a pile of crap that smells up the place, and is near impossible to get off your shoes -- or your soul, if you embrace what she offers up.

One more thing. If I had a TV show, I'd think twice about bringing on someone who only demeans my credibility even if I think it might improve my ratings. Two words: Chevy Chase.

Demonically Yours,
L

Howard, shame, shame, shame!!!!! Reliable Sources? Bill O'Reilly might as well call his show the No-Spin Factor.

You feature a debate on Ann Coulter's hate spew and highlight the fact that many networks played Coulter's comment on Good Morning America where she advanced the idea that John Edwards be shot in a terrorist assassination plot, but that they did not play the entire context of her quote.

Well, Howard, making sure I am reliable, here's Ann's full quote: "But about the same time, you know, Bill Maher was not joking and saying he wished Dick Cheney had been killed in a terrorist attack. So I've learned my lesson. If I'm gonna say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

See. Then we would have known, as your Townhall.com reliably-sourced guest said, that liberals like Maher did the same thing and that, in fact, networks were trying to make what Coulter say, seem even worse. Damn you liberal media.

Which might be true, if not for one thing. It was a lie. Maher didn't say the same thing. Not even close. Believe it or not, Ann lied.

I know you don't have the Factor's crack research team to check out every source, reliably, so perhaps I could invest a good two seconds out of my life to help you out. Here's the March 2 show transcript; scroll down about halfway and you'll find Maher and his panel of guests discussing a dust-up over related statements that appeared in the "comments" section of the HuffingtonPost blog. In no way can Coulter honestly claim, "Bill Maher [said] he wished Dick Cheney had been killed in a terrorist attack."

So why in the world should the networks run the first half of Ann's quote when her reference to Maher was a lie?

In the least, when you played the complete GMA/Coulter quote, you should have brought up that she had herself mangled Maher's comments only so that she could spew her personal and hateful venom yet make it appear that "everyone is doing it."

Amazing, huh? The show meant to watchdog over the reliability in the media, didn't. Instead you fed into the same kind of distortion of events that the Right's broadcast Lords of Loud dwell on that always seems to attain some kind of "other half of the truth" credibility. Like Gore said he invented the Internet or that Kerry was a coward. That Maher had already dealt with Coulter's allegation in March, when it was first bandied about by the Right's Noise Machine. That should have been enough not to let it fly again. But repeating a lie never seems to hurt on the Right, especially when the so-called liberal media at CNN allows it free reign.

Best, A Fan of Reliable Sources, If They're Actually Reliable,
Steve