O'REILLY: NO DECENCY LEFT

by Steve Young

Okay, I know I seem to have a hate-hate relationship with Bill O'Reilly. It's gotten to the point where it seems I need to write about his elephantine endowments to hypocrisy, misrepresentation of the whole truth and the pretense of political independence every other week. For those who might find it a bit too much I caution reading any further, for this past week conditions on the Factor's ground called for an almost daily looking out for those Bill is not looking out for. Here's just a few.

EGREGIOUS INSULT TO CIVILITY #1: The cable embodiment of Joe McCarthy went off the deep end. Spending 24/7 teetering on the precipitous edge of decency makes the fall into a vile swamp of your own making inevitable. When you're Bill O'Reilly, you wonder what took so long.

Running out of blustering hyperbole with which to brand his regular scapegoats, Bill went to the Nazi card. Loons, morons, pinheads, ones who want America to lose, and worst of all, secular progressives, no longer held the necessary acidity to paint a grim picture of his hated antagonists. Hazarding a bit of amateur psychoanalysis, the picture may be less a picture of an adversary than a portrait of Bill's own soul, sold long ago to the highest and darkest bidder.

Today, it would seem the worst name you can call anyone is "Nazi." So not to misunderstand his blatant bile, Bill will explain that when he calls you a Nazi, he doesn't mean you are actually a Nazi; only that you use Nazi tactics. You know. Like when you call someone a rapist, you don't mean they're a rapist; only that they use rapist's tactics. That's so, when he's holding a knife to your throat while he forces you to have sex, you don't think he's that bad a guy.

Oh, Bill's used the Nazi name-calling before, but this past week it seemed like he had nothing else left in his quiver of sophomoric blasphemes. Of the many on the hit list were George Soros, Mediamatters, The New York Times and Peter Lewis. The nazification of Soros, a Hungarian Jew who himself escaped the real Nazi killing camps is probably the most shameful of them all. Vomit-inducing.

Still, based on Bill's history, one has to believe he's capable of far worse.

You wonder if Bill would spend less time persuading his mirror that he is the prettiest in all the kingdom, he might recognize the reflection of a man who trumpets his claim to be the main guy responsible to look out all for the "Folks;" a power hungry narcissist who demeans, scapegoats and aspires to eliminate secular-progressives; a man whose own personal call to Volksgemeinschaft is detailed in his best-selling "Meine Kultur Kriegers."

Above all, it makes one wonder if Bill started out his illustrious career as a house painter.

Still, with all his success, you've got to give Bill credit for getting so many to believe in him. All together now: Sieg heil. Sieg heil. Sieg heil.

EGREGIOUS INSULT TO CIVILITY #2: In an attempt to paint Bush's firing of the federal prosecutors as the same thing and, in fact, not as bad as what was done under Clinton, BillO was taken to task by his sidekick, Lis Wiehl who said he was wrong. Bill said Clinton fired all federal prosecutors at the beginning of his term (but forgot to mention that George I also fired all his prosecutors). Lis said Clinton didn't fire anyone in between his terms. Bill said she was wrong (she was right). Bill said there would be transcripts taken in the hearing procedure that Bush would go along with. Wiehl said there wouldn't be (she was right). Bill called her a liar; said she was misinforming the "folks," then had her mike turned off.

After the break, O'Reilly allowed Wiehl back on the show. He pulled back slightly and said that he found out that no official transcripts would be taken but that Patrick Leahy (Committee Chairman) would have someone taking notes and that if anyone lie he would run to the microphones. A caller said Republicans on the committee would spin Leahy's conclusion. Bill said that wouldn't happen. If it did it would be unprecedented. Democrats and Republicans questioning what each other said, unprecedented? Wait till Bill plays that back.

There was no mention of how rudely he treated her until a caller asks Wiehl why she let Bill being so disrespectful? Bill called it "robust debate."

Bill said "we don't deserve to know" what the president does. Best part? Bill said running his office was like being the President of the United States. My question is...when can we vote Bill out?

EGREGIOUS INSULT TO CIVILITY #3: One day during the last presidential campaign Bill O'Reilly said that he would not bring partisans on to The Factor to discuss the election because they would only be spinning the same ol' same ol' and just rehashing their side's nothing-new and biased talking points.

"We learn nothing new and that's not what we're about," reminded the always blunt, looking-out-for-you host. Not grasping the screaming comic irony, Bill brought on Newt Gingrich and Dick Morris to discuss John Kerry.

Forward fast to the present: Bill explains the legitimacy of Morris's appearance on Fox this week by saying that because Morris admits despising Hillary Clinton -- so much so that he regularly panhandles for contributions to complete his Hillary hit-piece film -- the "folks" will know where he's coming from, so that his assessments of Hillary's campaign will provide them with information that can be judged properly once adequately digested.

Having Morris objectively analyze the subject of his commentary that he makes a living ripping, might seem irrational. Irrationality on The Factor? Puh-leeze.

Actually it's really quite logical. It just takes a little bit math and a little bit biology, but if you're willing to make the effort, learning from Fox, Bill and Dick can be lots of fun.

Here's how it works: Let's say Morris is waxing political on Democrats as a whole, you should figure in at least a 50 degree correction to your absorption angle. If he hones in on Hillary, you need only take in somewhere around 4 percent. Sound complicated. Not if you apply what you learned in tenth grade biology. Once you take in or masticate Morris' words, your exocrine glands will release digestive enzymes which aid in the breakdown of the fabrication. Salivation helps condense Morris's fact-like material into a bolus that can be more easily swallowed. Your body will make adaptations to prevent choking on Morris's blather.

The information enters the esophageal sphincter and is further broken apart through a process of heuristic churning and digestive enzymes that is essential in the breakdown of propaganda.

Processed in the stomach, the information byproduct is passed to the small intestine through the pyloric sphincter. This is where most of the digestive process occurs as the truth and distortion melange is engulfed with bile, pancreatic juice and enzymes where most actual factual absorption takes place.

After going through the small intestine, the misinformation excess goes to the large intestine. Thus the 99 percent of Morris's punditry that cannot be digested becomes the crap disseminated on The Factor.

Of course, an overload of Fox nuts can exacerbate digestive bloviation and cause the dreaded Irrational Vowel Syndrome.

Fox News. Fair, balanced and highly excretable.