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by Steve Young

Steve Young columns

Truth be known, it's never really time off for the Lords of Loud. O'Reilly even stole away from his much-needed respite before he suits up for the coming month-long defense of the baby Jesus in the War Against Christmas II. He called into his own show, and some others, just to make sure that everyone knew that he was ready to put a hurt on those secular progressives who don't think he was the main man behind taking O.J. off the air.

But Monday, the Right Wing Radio Echo Chamber will return from a well-reserved holiday weekend, returning subs to their local habitats, sending "best ofs" into archival storage, and bringing Dick Morris back off the unemployment line.

And it can't be too soon. America needs them "now more than ever."

Terrorists always know when the LOLs are away. They feel totally free to blow up as many innocents as they can, without any fear of Iraq being tagged with the "making progress" label.

Oh, the "B" team -- the John Gibsons, Michael Smerconishs, the Guardian Angel guy -- always tries its best, but al-Sadr knows the junior varsity when he hears it. Without the big boys manning the mikes, he can make Americans believe that he has more power in Baghdad than the freedom President Bush decimated Iraq with.

Sure, Glenn Beck hung in there for us. He knew that without his "Islamic Terrorists Want To Terrorize Us" expose,' America would be unaware of the terrorism awaits around every corner, threatening to terrorize us.

But Glenn's effort just wasn't enough this time. Like only 700 miles of fencing, it won't keep mainstream media immigration from smuggling in the news of the so-called "worst day since we've invaded." Purple fingers, folks. Purple fingers. How soon we forget when Sean isn't there to remind us that "no one said this would be easy," or that three years without electricity isn't all that bad -- you can eat your spoiled meat in the light of freedom.

I know it's only been a few days, but even a day without the orange juice of truth the way I like it cannot be healthy for everything we've been fighting to fight for.

Without Bill's Cultural Warrior toughness, it's so hard to remember that it would be best to follow the same piper that led us off the cliff the first time(s). Sure mistakes were made. They've been made in every war we shouldn't have gotten into. But do we have to hear that news while I'm trying to listen to the news?

Without Rush comparing the loss of young G.I.s to driving deaths in California, making war that much more palatable, an NPR can easily undermine the troops by shoving those near -2900 deaths down our throats. How many times do we have to hear about the dying? Everyone dies. Get over it. Swallowing anything that large or that dead without a good amount of Limbaugh lubrication can make war seem downright unprofitable, and that, my friends, is not the America I've learned to love more than you do. At least with El Rushbo throwing his ever blossoming weight around, we know that we gave everyone of those kids the opportunity to die over there so they wouldn't have to die over here.

Without Sean's uncanny ability to repeat the same thing over and over and over, I would forget just how great the economy is even when it's greatness never flows down to the lower 90 percentile. But when you have a chance to win one of those great new GM cars, feeling like a millionaire is way better than receiving the benefits of one.

Without them boys there everyday to protect us from mainstream media misinformation, the New York Times can get away with twisting the tough Texan's "dead or alive," reminding us that 655,000 Iraqis no longer fall into the "or alive" category.

Without Rush, Bill and Sean, it just isn't worth getting out of bed. Then again, with the Lords of Loud watching over, you really don't have to. Ah-h-h. Bedsores and the truth that makes you glad you live in the greatest country God ever created 'cause you know in your heart He really doesn't care as much for the other ones.

Monday can't come soon enough for me. Monday can't come soon enough for America.

Steve Young is author of the wacky new children's novel, "15-Minutes" (HarperCollins)

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Albion Monitor   November 23, 2006   (

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