CANCER KIDS MILKING THEIR DISEASE FOR SYMPATHY
A Satire by Ann Coulter (as told to Steve Young)
Steve Young columns
Chapter 12 -- Like We're Supposed To Care?
I have never seen children enjoying their incurable diseases so much.
It seems to be all the rage for so-called children with a "terrible
illness" to try and turn their maladies into some sort of whining,
cause-celeb begathon for medicines and research to cure their condition
or relieve their pain.
Okay, you have an irreversible disease. So did Al Capone. It doesn't
make you some martyr.
First of all, we call these conditions terminal for a reason and spending
time and good money on a cure for something terminal seems be a rather
wasteful use of good research that might be better used for curing
Prior to getting leukemia or malignant tumors -- or whatever it is they
say they have -- these children didn't seem to have a single problem with
disease, much less expecting the rest of America to take time away from
creating a strong economic base for healthy kids to take advantage of.
An economy that these taking-up-needed-space-in-hospices cry-babies could
also have access to if they wouldn't be so selfish and lived healthfully.
Now it seems that the world is supposed to drop everything because these
weakened weebles weren't careful enough to properly count the number of
red or white blood cells that could cohabit peacefully without killing
each other off.
Why must we be forced to wear some synthetic, sterilized mask every time
one of these kids cry "Mommy." I'm not their mommy and I don't care to
be. If the families of these money-sucking bedridden cretins choose to
parent them, don't ask me to support them. I don't ask them to buy my
satin-black Chanel. You want someone to come to your child's bed, ask
Bill Clinton for a donation. I'm sure Monica Lewinsky's mom and dad would
If I ever choose to have someone else's child I'd first make damn sure
that it would be a healthy child, something the so-called grieving
parents of these children might have thought of before jumping into bed
with some syphilitic, affliction-carrier.
If you can't raise a sick child without outside help, don't have one. And
if you choose to have one, don't expect society to be shedding a tear or
a dollar, for that matter, to help you with the problem. It's forced
victimhood and welfare tears for the cripples, retards and hopelessly
contaminated that the liberal elite continues to perpetuate so that the
sick will keep from being well. At least a welfare queen uses her money
for some nice wheels which while driving her to some free cheese wagon,
drives the economy, and tell me General Motors and Detroit wouldn't be
happy with that.
Parents of the perpetually sick just throw good money after bad. If the
child is going to die, dragging it out isn't going to make her or him any
People will defend the screams of agony from these health-wannabes with a
liberal doctrine of infallibility, saying that we can't question their
neediness because they're sick or are going to suffer some horrible
death. Their shelf-life is dwindling. Don't be surprized to see
whatever is left of this sicklings soon stripping off their feeding tubes
and bandages on the pages of Playboy.
A disease is medical condition. It deserves a medical professional's
response. But these kids and parents cut commercials against secondhand
smoke or air pollution. It's bad enough that we have to hear Al Gore
doing an Ed Begley in the Cineplex and blather on about his sister's
death. Do we also have to see sick children on the screen while I'm
trying to eat?
What these kids and their parents are doing is ruining everything America
stands for. You wonder why they aren't rolling their hospital beds up to
Canada to wait in line with the rest of the draft-dodgers.
It makes me want to throw up even more than I want to already.
John Murtha should only be a terminally-ill child, then maybe we can get
on with winning this war.
Chapter 13: Being A Good Christian
Ann's Events Coming Up: I will be pimped on Sean Hannity this week and
coddled by Bill Maher when he returns. Remember to watch.
Steve Young, author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" can be read every Sunday in the LA Daily News Op-Ed page (right next to Bill O'Reilly)
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June 7, 2006 (http://www.albionmonitor.com)
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