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An Open Letter From Rush, Sean and Bill O To President Bush (as transcribed by Steve Young)

Steve Young columns

Dear George,

First of all, understand that we love ya, and we don't want to make a big deal out of this. Really. Up 'til now things have been a smashing success, and our mult-million dollar broadcasting contracts show it.

For years we've stood steadfast, turning those lemons you've thrown at the American people into sweet, sweet lemonade. We convinced Average Joe Dope -- who wouldn't know an estate tax if he sat on one -- that big tax breaks for rich folks like us was a benefit for him. That was fun. We tooted the horn about that four million job gain, but didn't mention that two million of those jobs had been lost earlier under your administration. Average J.D. is so easily fooled by sleight of math.

No WMD found? No problem: "Would you rather Saddam still be in power?" "What about the torture chambers?" "My God, he gassed his own people." And if those don't work, we can always find some ex-Iraqi military wacko who'll say he heard from someone who met someone else who has a sister-in-law who actually saw Saddam sneak WMD into Syria.

Joe Wilson? Richard Clarke? Cindy Sheehan? Demeaning one and all? Child's play. Glenn Beck could've handled them all by himself.

Turning any issue back on the Dems has never been a problem. Lieberman's so anxious to appear on our programs and back U.S. up that we would need a moat to keep him away. Gitmo? Durbin helped U.S. turn it into a weeklong "you calling our troops nazis?" party. Mrs. Alito's crying during Lindsey Graham's speech turned into a Democrat bad, although we still don't know how we pulled off that one. Sometimes it just falls into your lap.

Oh, sure, we've had a few rough moments. There was your guitar strumming during Katrina and the whole "Brownie you're doin' a heck of a job" thing, but thankfully, New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin delivered his own head on a silver platter. And what Sean was able to do with "the buses" was pure talk gold.

But Sweet Jeebus, George, the last few days have been tough. Right after we back you up on condemning the NSA whistleblower for leaking national "can you hear me now" secrets, Scooter admits that Dick told him to spread national secrets. Darn it, Mr. President, some of our listeners might just think that might be illegal or traitorous.

The pictures with you and Abramoff don't seem to be just accidental snapshots with some tourist at a Chanukah fling, as McClellan said they would be. Actually, the way you looked at each seemed more Brokeback Mountain than Accidental Tourist.

Then Brownie says he let you in on the deadly devastation of Katrina's wrath before you said no one could have foreseen it. And to prove it, Brownie has the damn e-mails. What happened to "I don't e-mail because I don't want anyone reading my personal stuff"?

We understand when you trot out Card or Handley to readjust the (lack of) relevance of some administration fiasco. But y'got some twenty-four-year-old kid in charge of adjusting NASA experts' documents to dismiss their belief in global warming? We know he didn't graduate college, but did he even take science in high school?

Alberto testifies that Washington and Lincoln used electronic surveillance. The federal deficit and trade gap hits an all-time high. Your 2007 budget omits a half-trillion dollars in future debt -- as well as the 'Impact of Budget Policy' section. And who the hell at the White House gave the okay to give DeLay a seat on the Appropriations subcommittee that's overseeing the Justice Department's investigation into him and Abramoff? Sure, a couple years ago we might have been able to spin that one, but that was before the Republican Party became the warehouse for Indictments 'R' Us.

Let's be honest, George. You know we think you're the bomb, but we couldn't weave all that garbage into something positive if we brought on Dick Morris, Newt Gingrich and Oliver North all at the same time. And this was just one week.

It's not like we're going to quit on you or anything. All we're saying is that when so much stuff is about to hit the fan, do us a favor and give usa heads up. At least then we would have enough time to get John Gibson to fill in for us.

Still best buds,
Sean, Bill and Rush

Steve Young, author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" can be read every Sunday in the LA Daily News Op-Ed page (right next to Bill O'Reilly)

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Albion Monitor   February 2, 2006   (

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