Boycott Bill

by Steve Young

As a principled journalist, one must admit a mistake (or what some might consider over-enthusiastic reporting) just to make a point. A couple weeks ago I likened Bill O'Reilly to the late Senator Joseph McCarthy, the out of control, psychopathic alcoholic who attempted to ruin lives by labeling many innocents as Communist traitors who wanted to destroy the American way of life.

Comparing Mr. O'Reilly to the corrupted Senator was at best unfair, and at worst, really unfair. And for that I've like to apologize -- to Senator McCarthy. O'Reilly is far more offensive, and can't even use the excuse that he was so drunk he had no idea that he had blasphemed half of America while peeing in his pants.

But what to do about Bill? We all have the right to say what we want (as long as we don't place our troops in harm's way by questioning a president who has placed our troops in harm's way.

So, because of first amendment, freedom of speech, yada-yada-yada, I will not call for Bill O'Reilly to be fired. Rather, I believe, he should be boycotted. Boycotted until he changes his attitude. Boycotted until he is man enough to kiss and make up with Al Franken, or, in the least, stop trying to kiss and put the make on his female sidekicks.

And it seems the ostracism of O'Reilly is already building momentum.

Denver has joined in the boycott by dropping his radio show.

In Washington, D.C., Bill was replaced by a sports talk show called "Sports Junkies." How humiliating it must be to not only be replaced by a sports talk show, but to have your voice live on in the city of your beloved President only on the top-rated liberal Stephanie Miller Show, who makes a good part of her living mocking your (most of the time) unedited pomposity

Here are some tips on how you too can participate in the boycott fun:

Do not buy his dirty books.

Do not buy his dirty books for kids.

Do not buy membership to O'Reilly.com but if you are already one of his over 90 year-old premium members, vote on Bill's polls the opposite of the way he wants you to vote.

Do not buy Factor gear (or Farah slacks, which just remind me of O'Reilly)

Do not buy anything from the mean streets of Levittown, N.Y. or anyplace else Bill might be from.

Do not make plans to stay over the non-secular holidays in any of Bill's extra chins.

To make the boycott all the more rich and ironic, there are thing that must be unboycotted by purchasing the things Bill boycotts:

Buy lots of Al Franken books (although I swear, Al must have some unspoken deal with Bill, because it seems that every time Bill opens his mouth, Al's ratings and books sales spike big time). Take your Franken books and hand them out to employees walking into Bill's studio.

Buy anything French. Speak French. Buy anything that sounds French: Baguettes, fries, tutus, onion soup mix.

Vacation in San Francisco during O'Reilly-provoked al Qaeda attacks.

Tour Canada and compliment their medical programs.

Donate money to smear sites and send copies of your receipts to Bill.

Stand outside Fox News Studios wearing a Bill O'Reilly mask and play a tape of Bill saying "Shut up" while reciting the most recent Arbitron ratings for the Radio Factor.

Invest in secular movements. Especially the one that provides stores with the "Happy Holiday" signs.

Whenever anything doesn't work out for you, Blame America First... for airing the Factor.

Have a party for everyone who wasn't man enough to come on the Factor.

Be part of a Hollywood crowd.

Buy a "Spin Stops When Bill Stops" coffee mug.

Bathe your life companion with "I Do It For The Kids" Loofah.

And if all else fails...Michael Moore. Just Michael Moore.