President Moses

by Steve Young

President Bush made a couple of terrific speeches this week, even though neither sounded as if he had actually written any part of them himself (complete sentences are always a giveaway). But no matter; he didn't trip over too many syllables and he didn't have a "Mission Accomplished" banner behind him, so for this president, he was hitting on all cylinders.

For Hannity and Limbaugh and other Lords of Loud, it was another humdinger of a reason to hail W as the third coming of Ronald Reagan, having previously crowned him the second Reagan after he told the United Nations about the WMD and assorted yellowcake.

The major point of our president's "New Orleans was more than a party-hearty place to me" speech was that America would spend whatever it takes to bring New Orleans back to life. No, he'd make it better than it had ever been, better than the almighty God had made it Himself. A Newer Orleans, improved.

To hear the Lords of Loud, he was now President Moses, leading his people towards the Promised Land where all would be forgiven and forgotten -- the FEMA flunkies, the strumming of a guitar while the Gulf Coast floated away, the 1,900 dead soldiers in Iraq, even trading Sammy Sosa to the Cubs for Don Baylor, then selling the Rangers for a huge profit.

While he didn't say how he'd pay for it (didn't have to, since Japan, China, and Saudi Arabia are holding our 1st, 2nd, and 3rd mortgages anyway), the President pledged reconstruction aplenty. Expect the birthplace of jazz to be updated with W's pals, Clint Black and Toby Keith, to come up with an improved jazz that real Americans can love. Expect more yodeling. Lots.

When asked if he would pay for the estimated 200 billion dollars in costs with tax increases or a rollback of the tax cuts that mostly benefit the wealthiest Americans, the president said, "No." Instead, the president would pay for the rebuilding project by cuts in federal spending. Just cutting the Medicare and housing benefits to the New Orleans refugees, we could pay for the housing and Medicare costs of the people who will soon be living in Newer Orleans.

At the same time, those who will supply the labor needn't be paid a barely living wage -- some were known to be making a whopping $9 per hour -- so they wouldn't be burdened by higher taxes. It's a win-win for both those workers and those entrepreneurs who will be forced to assume immense profits from the rebuilding contracts they won't have to bid on to get. It's only fair.

While some might say that the Lords of Loud are wrong in spinning all this into a reclamation of his approval ratings, I agree with what the President -- and his mother -- have advanced. It's time to get those lazy bastards off the dole and back in front of the Home Depot parking lot entrances and sleeping in the new trailer homes of Newer Orleans where they belong. Then, maybe we can get the Big Easy back where it belongs...under the Halliburton umbrella.