Jesus Wouldn't Survive The Scrutiny

by Steve Young

No surprise when Kerry chose the handsome Senator from North Carolina. Even less surprise that the pundits of the Right ripped the wealthy trial lawyer a new one.

But while Bush immediately hoisted Kerry's supposed top choice, John McCain, as the centerpiece as the "we got him and you don't, na-na-na-nah-nanna" ad attack on the new Demo Duo, one wonders how the RNC's spokesmen and those on the AM dial, like the gaw-geeous syndicated mouther, Sean Hannity, would have handled a more pious Kerry vice president fantasy league choice. Sean wouldn't skip a beat:

Folks. You could have called this one from a mile away. When John McCain turned away John Kerry's relentless flirtation, the Senate's most liberal member dipped into the liberal barrel to pull out the only guy more liberal than he is...Jesus Christ. Unbelievable.

My friends, we've got a mountain to climb and now the mountain becomes more steep and treacherous. Now more than ever we have to be ever diligent, placing the truth in front of you. The truth you won't be hearing in the mainstream press.

He might be a nice guy but Christ's record on the issues makes it clear that the stakes are higher than ever before. We're in the middle of a war, folks, like no war we've faced before. This is much too dangerous a time to take a chance like this. Do we want some "turn the other cheek" liberal in charge of our country now?

Sure Ted (hiccup) Kennedy thinks this guy is a good choice. Why not? Wine. Blood of Christ. It's all just more alcohol to (hiccup) Teddy. Unbelievable.

Vice president? Have you seen his hair? Would you even want to sit next to him on an airplane?

Unbelievable.

Look, Jesus is a savior, but where's the experience? Other than a returning eyesight to a few uninsured people who haven't thought far enough ahead to obtain their own health coverage, what has he accomplished? If you think Hillary was bad, how soon do you think the "meek shall inherit the earth" guy will be pushing for a national health plan? And the man hasn't ever voted. Unbelievable!

I'm certainly not one to cast aspersions...but Drudge just put up a story about the whole Mary Magdalen thing. You have to make up your own mind, but the guy is single and he's got this hooker hanging around. Didn't the whole Monica Lewinsky thing teach us anything? Does the name Gennifer Flowers mean anything to you? And even if they are able to cover up the Magdalen affair, the guy is in his thirties, he's good-looking, not ever married, a momma's boy and goes out regularly with twelve other men. Do I have to connect the dots for you? You've got to ask yourself... "Does Jesus have any moral core at all?" Unn-beeeelievable.

Talk about flip-flopping. On one hand he saves a few destitute peasants and the next minute he's talking with kings. He's supposed be Jewish, but he's no Joe Lieberman. What kind of Jew, a "King of the Jews" at that, lets millions of Catholics pray to him? You can't have it both ways. The whole thing smells of the Democrat's hope that they can use Christ to win the red states while wooing the blue states; that all of a sudden liberals don't hate religion. Unbelievable.

It's all about the charm-gap folks. The choice of a young, charming and ruggedly handsome VP candidate to offset the boring, huge-faced Kerry may fool those liberals who refuse to look below the surface, but not those are smart enough to listen to me three hours a day...which is all I ask.

Tell me, who would you rather have a heart beat away from the president?

Cheney. Jesus. The choice is obvious.