Asshole, or A**hole, or @$#&*!

by Erik Deckers

Not only is he being dogged by speculation in the media that he's off his game after losing his double-digit lead in the polls, but George Dubya, as he's currently called by the media, is catching some heat after using an obscenity to describe a reporter.

At a Labor Day appearance in Naperville, Ill., George Dubya was standing near a bank of microphones with running mate Dick Cheney, when he spotted a familiar face in the crowd.

He leaned over to Cheney, thinking no one would hear him, and said, "That's Adam Clymer, a major league asshole from the New York Times."

"Oh yeah, he is, big time," agreed Cheney.

What George Dubya didn't realize is that one of the microphones was particularly sensitive, and his remark was broadcast out to several hundred spectators, and then replayed repeatedly on the national news over the next couple of days.

That seven letter, two syllable word -- referred to as "a vulgar euphemism for a rectal aperture" by the Washington Times -- caused such an uproar among most of the American media, it's all they could talk about. Okay, I couldn't let it go either, but how often do you get something this interesting happening in politics? Not since Fornigate have the politicians given us humor columnists something to write about besides lawsuits filed by idiots.

Not surprisingly, George Dubya's opponent, Vice President Al Gore, couldn't stay out of it either. "We hold virtually all members of the Fourth Estate in the highest regard and we believe they should be part of the democratic process day in and day out," said Gore spokesman Chris Lehane. "Even if they are assholes." Okay, Lehane really didn't say that last part, but he did say "virtually all members."

Several newspapers made a big deal out of the statement the following morning. The New York Daily News blasted a huge headline, "That guy's an @$#&*!" and followed it up with the opening statement "George W. Bush launched his fall campaign sprint yesterday by telling voters 'we need plain-spoken Americans in the White House' -- moments after he was caught calling a reporter a barnyard epithet."

The Boston Globe and the Washington Post both actually printed the entire comment, including Clymer's name and the full spelling of the word 'asshole.' National Public Radio even got in on the no-bleeping act, playing the comment in its entirety. Way to go, NPR!

The New York Post only referred to it as "Bush's X-rated barb" (protecting their readers' Victorian-era sensibilities, I imagine), while the Los Angeles Times buried the comment deep in a campaign story. And USA Today didn't even mention the incident in its main campaign stories. Instead they buried it in the "Lifestyle, Travel, and Newspaper Reporters Who are A**holes" section.

But after this, I think George Dubya has learned one very important lesson: never, ever say things that might be overheard by the entire nation. Or as CBS' John Roberts said, "Don't say anything near a microphone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear."

Al Gore's running mate, Senator Joseph Lieberman even knows the rule. "You'd better be real careful what you do or say at any moment because it could be globally televised, or known rapidly," he said on CBS' "The Early Show" Tuesday morning -- the same show where Bryant Gumbel thought the cameras were off, and called a guest "a f**king idiot" just a few short months ago.

But what kind of damage did George Dubya do to his own credibility with that remark?

"Governor Bush may have stepped on his message of restoring dignity and honor to the White House," said NBC's John Siegenthaler.

The White House also got in a few shots themselves. Before a press briefing, White House national security spokesman P. J. Crowley said, "Welcome to the James S. Brady briefing room at your media-friendly Clinton-Gore White House where seldom is heard of a disparaging word -- particularly when the mike is on."

And it continued in the Rose Garden, where the President was appearing with Democratic leaders of Congress. White House chief of Staff John Podesta referred to the reporters and cameramen set up in the back of the crowd, "Welcome to the White House. We like all of you, especially the people in the back."

What really amazes me is the George Dubya camp's refusal to actually acknowledge that he said anything he should be sorry about.

Cheney refused to discuss it with reporters in Chicago. "The governor made a private comment to me. It was a private comment, and I don't plan to say anything about it."

George Dubya's spokeswoman Karen Hughes said the remark was "a whispered aside to his running mate. It was not intended as a public comment. It was a reference to a series of articles the governor felt was unfair."

In that case, he shouldn't have called Clymer an a**hole; he should have referred to the stories as a pile of -- well, you get the picture.

And did George Dubya even apologize about the comment he made? You bet he did! Well, sort of.

"I regret that a private comment I made to the vice presidential candidate made it onto the public airwaves," he told reporters the following morning. "I regret everybody heard what I said."

Clymer must be feeling better already. Hey, Adam, did you hear that? George Dubya still thinks you're an asshole, but at least he's sorry that everyone else knows it.